The Start of Something New
by Lady Nerd
Summary: Upon an afternoon of hunting, Edward Cullen finds himself in one of THE most horrific situations, meeting people you would least expect and having to deal with them all at the same time...


Once upon a time, in a castle far, far, away: a beautiful majestic creature posed gracefully, nose pointed towards the ceiling and one of the four hooves lifted. It was the rare unicorn, it's pointy single horn shimmering with the gleaming sunset. The great and rare unicorn...Chuck...the unicorn...

Hannah Montana sighed enviously, as she stared at the long, blond, swishing tail of the unicorn. How graceful it was... and how... not dyed. She wished her hair was naturally blond... and that she didn't make freaky faces when she sang. But that was wishful thinking. Meanwhile, she was unaware of Edward Cullen, poised on the rock behind her, unnaturally still and pale, taking in her scent. _It's alright,_ he thought. Edward wanted to drink her blood. He was thirsty. But, his crimson eyes would give him away. He'd be ridding the world of an awful singer, he argued with himself.

Chuck flipped his mane to his other side, showing of the shininess and sheen it had. Hannah sighed once more, she had been secretly stalking Chuck ever since he had leaped out of the high school musical pocket folder in walmart and pranced off to this very castle. Because that's what stalkers do, they do it secretly.

Suddenly, a loud noise, similar to an injured three hundred year old walrus or muffled screaming chipmunk, echoed throughout the castle, startling Chuck and causing him to fly away, probably to brag about how much cooler he is than Zac Efron. "Dammit," Hannah muttered.

Then, a shadow emerged from behind her, turning around, she screamed, covering her all-too-fake face with her all-too-fake manicured hands. "Baaaaiscaaaally whuaaat weeeeere gooonna do eeeeez dooooooaaaance!" the silhouette shrieked.

Edward gritted his teeth and clutched his ears. Enough was enough. He wasn't going to sit there and take that. It was bad enough that he had to deal with Emmett's uncanny impersonations of her at home, done strictly to annoy him. His self-restraint couldn't handle _two_ awful singers. He was about to pounce, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He held his breath, and turned around. There stood a sandy-haired youth, with blue eyes. Oh God. Why now?

"Yes?" He said politely. The youth glared at him, and he fought the urge to laugh. He'd seen yorkies that were scarier.

"You're Edward Cullen, right?" he snarled rudely. Edward nodded, amused. "Do you know who I am?" Edward fought the urge to laugh again. Did he know who this was? Of course. Bella had been in a bad mood once, after being forced to watch High School Musical with Emmett, who had been looking for new ways to torture Edward. He'd lost count of how many times Bet On It had been repeated OVER and OVER inside his mind. He decided to humor him.

"Should I?" He asked puzzled. The youth's jaw dropped open. _Is he dumb?_ he asked in his mind, _How can he not know me?_

"Yeah, you should!" he responded angrily. "I'm Zac Efron for pete's sake!" Edward chuckled.

"Of course you are," he said smoothly, "Now what do you want?"

Zac opened his mouth to answer, angry at the vampire in front of him, and already waving his arms around in the air, resembling a spazzed butterfly. Edward sighed, exasperatedly. Finally, Zac said something.

"You think you're better than I am," he stated, his face turning a blotchy purple color in his anger. Edward pried into his mind, trying to see what he really wanted. There was no time to be wasting on this idiot, he had to hunt down the other two. Edward shook his head.

"If I don't know who you are, how can I think I'm better than you are?" He asked reasonably. Zac seemed to be inflating with rage. _I know you can read minds,_ Zac thought,_I've read your book, and I know you're a bloodsucker with a bloodsucker wife and half bloodsucker kid. AAANNNDD, I want you to stop reading my mind. WHY DO YOU HAVE MORE FANGIRLS THAN I DO! _Edward stared at Zac incredulously.

"You can read?" He asked. Zac let out a bellow of rage, and Edward grinned. "I get more fangirls Zac, because I'm better looking than you are, have a 'velvet' voice according to Bella, and a strong love for her. You do not have any 'sweet' qualities as potently as I do. I doubt you would save your wife from a sadistic vampire. You are also very stupid, as I could rip you to pieces right now."

Suddenly a wave of nausea hit Zac as he tried to think of something to say back. He felt sick, and hearing the two "pop stars" behind him start singing a duet made him dizzier.

Meanwhile, since Hannah realized that the obnoxious noise was just her good ole buddy Vanessa Hudgens, she forced her all-too-fake self to properly greet her...in song of course...cause you know, Vanessa has probably gotten so used to the whole "musical" charade.

"Heeeeeeaaaay!" she shrieked, hoping it sounded like a decent middle C.

"Oh Hiya Miley!" Vanessa smiled back, in her abnormally high and pitchy voice.

Hannah gasped, "Miley? Oh no you di'in't girl! What are you talking about? I'm Hannah!"

Vanessa let out a loud giggle, making the rapturous noise echo throughout the castle. "Oh silly, of course you're Miley!" She suddenly paused and began to speak in a low whisper, "Remember? Your 'double life'?"

Hannah scrunched her all-too-fake face into-what she thought was-a cute pout. Here is where the co-author, who hasn't really been "co-authoring" for the past few months, begins to clench her fists, preventing herself from punching the computer screen. "How dare you say that! I'm the _real_ star!" Hannah pounced onto Vanessa, her so called "good ole buddy", the two girls rolling across the shiny marble floor. Their overly done outfits and jewelry clanking against the ground, both trying to poke each other-hard of course-in the rib.

"Stop!" a low voice-but not as low and manly as Hannah's-called. The two girls froze with Vanessa having her mouth hung open and Hannah clutching onto her neck. The voice's owner emerged from the dark depths of the castle- much like how V had done before- cause you know these stories, castles are always only half lit. "All you have to do is _dream_." Taylor Lautner emereged, grinning with his shark teeth bared, from the shadows.

"Jacob!" A certain vampire said surprised. Taylor turned to see Zac Efron and Edward Cullen staring at him. _What the heck?_ _Oh..._ Edward realized, _it's only the scrawny actor who's PLAYING Jacob. _Meanwhile, Zac Efron was staring at something behind Hannah with his mouth open.

"No," Taylor Lautner said confidently, "I am TAYLOR LAUTNER!" _Why is the author, like, typing his name so much..._ Hannah wondered. A random scrap of paper fluttered down to her, and she caught it. On it, were symbols that she didn't understand. She furrowed her brow, trying to decipher them.

"MY HEAD HURTS!" She declared finally, thrusting the paper at Edward, who stiffened.

"Give it to Efron," he suggested wryly, "He can read." Zac took the paper confidently, but groaned in frustration. "What?" Edward asked.

"It's written in _cursive_," he explained, "I can't read _cursive."_

"Surprise, surprise..." Edward muttered. He snatched the paper away, and glanced at it briefly. "It's from the author, you moron. She says she's making Taylor Lautner say his name so much because she saw it on Heroes."

Suddenly, an overly bubbly fifteen year old popped out of no where, that's because that's what overly bubbly teenagers do...they tend to pop out of no where. "EEEEEEEEP!" she screamed.

"Who are you?" the group of people asked simultaneously.

"Well my name is Keziah...big fan of celebrity couples thank you very much. Now would you care to answer my simple poll?"

"Ooooh! I will!" Hannah immediately jumped, raising her hand.

"Okey Dokey then," Keziah grinned, her heart racing cause she was about to be at least a foot in distance within _the_ Hannah Montana. "Now," she began, a clipboard with sheets of paper attatched to it coming out of no where. "Which couple do you think is the most fantabulisticalicious: Zanessa, Niley, Nilena, or Zashley?"

"What?" Zac shrieked. "What the freak is that? WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I EVEN CONSIDER GOING OUT WITH A TONE DEAF BIMBO?"

Taylor Lautner opened his mouth smartly, closing his eyes and pointing an index finger randomly up towards the ceiling, "I, Taylor Lautner, would obviously think diferently...I mean seriously, even I, Taylor Lautner, wouldn't even be stupid enough to laugh at that. Especially after your argument about 'fangirls'."

"Maybe you should shut your face _Taylor Lautner._" Vannessa said randomly glaring at him.

"What?" Taylor Lautner complained, "I, Taylor Lautner, wasn't the one who called you a 'tone-deaf bimbo.'" She rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she agreed, "But I can't be mad a Zac... he's my pookie-kins." Behind her back, Zac mimed throwing up. Hannah giggled.

"I think that they're all idiotic," Edward cut in smoothly, "They're just ruses for attention, and hormonal teenagers. None can compare to how I feel about Bella." Keziah smiled, showing of all her unaturally white teeth.

"Can you turn me into a vampire Eddy?" She asked him. He shook his head. "Then shut up. You aren't from Disney, so you can't give an opinion." She turned away from him then... he sighed. Why did all humans assume he wouldn't kill them for talking to him like that? He was supposed to be hunting anyway... Grinning, he lifted her bodily from the castle floor and threw her out the window. Everyone stared at him for a long time...

"Anyone for some, like, High School Musical cereal?" Hannah finally asked. Everyone sighed in relief, and started muching.

"Do you have pupils?" Taylor asked Vanessa, "I, Taylor Lautner, do not!" Edward snorted.

"Yes you do," he said impatiently, "Don't make me throw _you_ out the window, too." Zac grimaced and passed around helpings of High School Musical bread to everyone.

"I thought you couldn't eat human food?" Hannah asked Edward.

"I can't."

"Then, like, why are you taking helpings of everything?"

"I'm going to give it to Miley Cyrus later."

"_Why?"_

"She's trying to sing for food. It's been a failure so far. She's scaring little kids, with an even freakier face than yours."

The rest of the group laughed, certain specific people louder, pitchier, higher, and HIDEOUSLY OBNOXIOUS-ER than others. Edward groaned, rubbing a hand from his forehead to chin, shaking his head and forcing a smile. Wouldn't this just be a wonderful bedtime story for his daughter.

* * *

**AN: Wasn't that rad? (yes...I understand that what I just said sounded stupid...so much for first impressions..) But okey dokey then, review and all that crap...because everyone loves reviews! REVIEW! THIS IS OUR FIRST PARODY AND WITHOUT PARODIES WE WOULDN'T BE HERE! R-E-V-I-E-W!**

**-Tragedy **and _Comedy_


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